There is something immaculately holy and safe about taking part in a religious society. What we rarely understand is that there is an enormous iceberg of cognitive dissonance lying beneath it. A paradox between what was considered deeds and what was judged as sin. The covert battle to be seen as sacred as can be while craving a second home. And it ends with the circumstance that keeps questioning : If this isn’t the life I want, what do I want?
Cognitive Dissonance and Hypocrisy
Though religion frequently speaks on their holy book verses in regards to warning against hypocrisy, the devotees often fail to understand it in practice. Miscomprehend it at significant times. Unknowingly, making themselves a secretive enemy by a few individuals who are offended and haunted by their statements or insinuations—contradicts how they should have been perceived. Striving to be holy is striving to steer clear of unkind words, gestures, and actions. Wash away the sins and wrongdoings to others so that they feel a little bit of ease and are surrounded by only peace and the contented promise of life after death.
In Quran 2:8, .. They satisfy you with their mouths, but their hearts refuse [compliance], and most of them are defiantly disobedient.
or in the Holy Bible Romans 12:9
Love should be “without hypocrisy”.
It stands equally with the definition of cognitive dissonance which is elaborated as :
The idea that if a person knows various things that are not psychologically consistent with one another, he will, in a variety of ways, try to make them more consistent.Festinger, L. (1962). Cognitive dissonance. Scientific American, 207(4), 93–107.
Occassionally, to keep wagered on what these individuals with cognitive dissonance, an act of obedience to a set of rules must be amplified. The basic the rules, the louder it could muffle the sound of the dissonance.
The internal conflict within
The contradictory behavior that was somewhat vague but clearly prohibited in religions for example is gossip. In other words, the cognitive dissonance that often occurs are; confiding troublesome of others, a warning of other sins, or an allegation that needs to be addressed to in order to differentiate(lowering) their grade. This sets my conscious in a perplex mode. It reminded one of Merryl Streep’s movie, “Doubt” where she has so many conflicting issues with a new priest that made her provokes rumors and allegations from the church surroundings regarding an altar boy.
Something that Nurse James played by Amy Adams struggles with her cognitive dissonance on what was right and what were the legitimate reasons to justify what she automatically did to assist Sister Aloysius Beauvier prejudices and contempt towards Father Brendan Flynn played by Phillip Seymour Hoffman.
Searching Acceptance
From another perspective, nothing would I ever hoped for but a peaceful environment from a warm religious society that welcomes without heavyweight terms and conditions. An acceptance to only what our genuine hearts have to offer.
The welcoming atmosphere was imminent and real, but it turned out way less than eternal. Soon, after I blended into the scene of this holy society of mothers, a few of them decided to befriend me and began slowly peeling off their true identity beneath those veils. Which to me is so comforting because opening up is an early sign of trust. Some of them, remain in their “distant seats”. Nothing to be discussed here, not wanting to add up to anything going on in their life, particularly a new friend. Just catching up on an islamic study. When the lecture was done most of were exited the premise with a short smile –glared at me and a handshake then they went straight home.
I was a little bit baffled by it, but then it was their right to keep a private life. Then, it began to crept at me. The forbidden things. Music brings you further away from God. All forms of graphics that draw a living thing should be banished. Up to these two, my cognitive dissonance is wildly alarmed and busy. I was raised and possibly shaped into who I am now not without music. Music rescued most of my days. U2’s I’ll Go Crazy If I Don’t Go Crazy Tonight is a remedy to my depression 14 years ago. But undeniably, so do prayers. The dissonance was working hard in my brain to catch up with what might be lost in this prohibition.
Life with less cognitive dissonance
It didn’t transform who I am into a peaceful member of them, instead a semi-anxious person sneaking my authenticity too hard to be with them. But it was hard to get out after years. It wasn’t like I knew which door to exit this congregation. It was the battle within, beneath these cognitive dissonances was fears of the unknown on the other side of the wall. The fear of an even worse society, or karma-like terrible situations after leaving. The burden of leaving the people that teaches different dimension norms of being a human. How and why to cover decently in clothing which after the test of times, I took it as a token of love that they share, and not a self-loathing act.
But after a while, It started to dawn on me that this wasn’t the life I wanted. These people whom I make efforts to share laugh and talk to, some of them can effortlessly turn their gaze in another direction at weird times so they don’t have to say hello to me. It was strange but at the same time whispers were circling about one of the studies member that :
“..she’s different. I saw her without a veil once in a hospital near my house.. what does that explain about her?!”
Though a positive prejudice is a benevolent and secure thing to have, I wish so many times that it was the manner on both sides or not a toxic positivity. Instead, I was visualizing intruding and answering them :
Nothing. It explains absolutely nothing about a person just because you see it the way you didn’t expect her to be. God would’ve wanted you to shut up.
But I said nothing and sat still. Then, I went home.
Author: Fraya
A writer and entrepreneur with profound interest in humankind research and insights. An avid coffee drinker and book hoarder. Hours and days spent in Jakarta.The Haptic Room is supported by our readers. Our site may contain links to affiliate websites, and if you make a purchase through these links, we receive a commission to support our site.