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Ever misread a person for their impression of you? You would think that you finally make meaningful connections in a new community. It turns out, some of them seem odd and distant in the next following days. Or, have you noticed when someone stop listening to what you’re saying? This is what we’re going to talk about : From first sense to unheard moments.

This article is not to put blame on you. Because in fact, the blame could’ve been not just you or the situation, but everyone. So,here’s every reason why people didn’t seem to have the energy to listen to you anymore, or may even since the beginning of the encounter.

You unheard them first

The excitement of meeting and get to know new people. Finally, a clean start of making friends again, you feel connected and fully vibed. It feels like you want to tell them everything you’ve been meaning to tell a friend all this time. So, the energy spins, with less, and less navigation. Overpowering the chance of others to tell their side of the story. As much as you can, you ignore all the red lights in a conversation and hit full throttle for the longest time of storytelling. Bombarding with nonstop bits of your life. They can feel unheard at the first place. The amount of interruption you gave them when it’s their turn talk, can suppressed their will to communicate.  Stop and contemplate yourself, do you really need to be this ecstatic ?

Solution : Take a deep breath, relax and listen. If you seem to be having a hard time listening to what was in front of you, then listen to your own words first. Are they a lot to take in? Did you managed to significantly refrain yourself from oversharing ? Are both parties comfortable in one another point of views?

You’re entering the wrong club

Loneliness can drag the standard of someone’s preference of friends to a a whole new different level. We suddenly accept and drawn to random communities submitted into our daily activity. Work, campuss, school, routine places that recognized our existence back and forth. When further engagement offered to us, there were rarely any background checks or any kind of preliminaries before. Well, because we’re just normal people, not sociopaths. We realized that in certain situations, different things start to lead up each other interests in a different direction. Those who worship money, prefered to hear and engaged further with “the haves”.  Those who search for specific intellectual matters, will pay attention people known for their title.

These mismatched situations usually happened in the middle of getting to know you. Another example is surroundings that recognized your clothing and the way you laugh were just a little bit more vulgar and it made them feel unease because they were supposed to stick to their rigid custom. And still dozens other differences that made them pull away their attention from you, simply because you’re not one of their tribes.

Solution : Stop luring around too much. Take this kind of crowd to remain only a supplemental society for you.

Photo credits : Unsplash,  Mika Baumeister


You were hushed because of their trust issue

The majority of our society now seek for reliance. Words they can pinned. Heavily serious people that are hypervigilance and will spot a single remark of dishonesty. Of course their prone of distrust didn’t start with you. Rome wasn’t build in a day, and so does the trauma of being lied to. The unfortunate events happened way beyond they met you. It creates an automatic shield that closed whenever they feel like they can’t rely somebody’s words.

Solution: Nada.Nothing. Be grateful when you are shown early about this. Unless you are a repairmen, there is no need to be hero of the day and try to fix their standpoint. Life is already tiresome. Let this experience of being unheard motivates you to move on.

They’re afraid of your words

You might not remember it, but at a certain time you might have said something descending their grasp of reality. The words slipped from you ever so freely without knowing if it contains a sharp truth about them. It affects them in ways we could not fathom. After all, every individual can face stress, and anxiety at any given day, aside from their trauma baggage. So at this point, they chose to dismissed and made you felt unheard. Either with gestures or even blunt interruption.

Solution: You don’t need to be vigilant about it, but maybe as time goes by, situations can be more comprehensive as you get to know them. So if you have a second chance of encounter, listen more.

They don’t have enough room in mind to bear your story.

In this noisy world, everyone mostly have traffic of thoughts in their mind. Let alone to set a room for anyone, they were too caught up with family feud, work problems, or love dillema. We are revolving in an era of digital impatient unawareness. Where we prefer video over books, pictures over captions, text messages over phone calls. Either time or closed-off hearts, no one can ever tell what it is. It made people can’t stand to listen for less than 2 minutes of a story, let alone digesting what you have to say.

So after this unheard experience, when you find friend(s) who is calm, attentive, made peace with himself, and sooths you just with his presence, appreciate it. These people are rare and a keeper for sure.

Author: Fraya

A writer and entrepreneur with profound interest in humankind research and insights. An avid coffee drinker and book hoarder. Hours and days spent in Jakarta.