Not everyone seems to “buy” the narcissist theory, let alone knowing what flying monkey is. How many are truly exist? And how many in our lives fall into the category of a narcissistic personality? By detecting the flying monkeys, can help to confirmed a person with narcissistic personality disorder in your circle.
If you are familiar with the term Narcissistic Personality Disorder(NPD) but aren’t sure what that means, here’s the very own definition according to the mayoclinic.org :
Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental health condition in which people have an unreasonably high sense of their importance. They need and seek too much attention and want people to admire them. People with this disorder may lack the ability to understand or care about the feelings of others. But behind this mask of extreme confidence, they are not sure of their self-worth and are easily upset by the slightest criticism.
and from that, the flying monkeys are formed.
The term flying monkeys originated from the movie Wizard of Oz where the scary witch delegates a group of monkeys with wings to complete the mission. These monkeys were now depicted as a nickname for those who allies with a narcissist. Lack of self-security, they were also the victims of emotional abuse used as pawns in some difficult situations by the narcissist. At certain level, they are easier to be influenced, lured into a scheme of soliciting recognition from the narcissist.
Flying monkeys are usually the people who are voluntarily, willing to be the hero for the sake of solving the narcissist’s so-called dilemma. These are the appointed armies of specific agendas. As a bait, or a walking-cctv of the narcissist. Of course, none of these ulterior motives will come to the surface. When they fell into the enthralling spell of the narcissist, their level of awareness all of a sudden, blurred out. Read more on the love-bombing, as part of their alluring ways of entrapment.
How Flying Monkeys Act
When it comes to detecting a flying monkey, it isn’t as hard as confirming a narcissist. These under-influenced messengers tend to act relying on their gut or “devotion” to the narcissist. It can come up, subconsciously, as if the third party will always be the one that needs to be taken care of. That the narcissist needed help or protection against them. That was just a small favor. Pay attention to these signals :
1. They show themselves proudly
Dr.Ali Fenwick, a content creator of modern day-psychologist on Instagram explained how a narcissist would end a relationship with you. Five phases are evolving; starting with purging anything that reminisces the relationship or friendship, a reduced amount of gaslighting, and creating rumors to alienate their victim from the social circle. Moreover, they will be easily annoyed when you confronted them, and lastly, they already made a new supply of victims.
Few of these supplies are the flying monkeys that would proudly establish their closeness to them. In Social media particularly, they would not be reluctant to expose themselves as true allies or bff. The narcissist would cleverly benefit from that image. Sometimes even, effortlessly. Even when in reality, they disliked their monkeys.
2. Bad rumors
If you sense that after staying away for some time from the narcissist, rumors are beginning to circling around. The surprise is, the rumors are no longer putting you as the audience, but as the subject. This is most definitely the job of the flying monkeys. Gossip never worked without a network. This is one of the efforts made by the narcissist and his/hers flying monkeys to isolate you from their social circle. But of course, all of this is designated to secure the narcissist’s controlling power. The flying monkeys rarely succeeded in revealing the true agenda behind it.
3. Sudden convo with the monkey
These victim monkeys are making their way to cure their curiosity. After being manipulated by the narcissist—an important mission, filled with questions that are intentionally put by the narcissist. These monkeys will not feel awkward to start reaching out to you, as casually as can be to find some answers. So when a conversation takes place to ask how you are doing, blablabla all of the sudden on your dm or texts, it is a part of the game.
Responding to Flying Monkeys
Flying monkeys are not really that toxic themselves, but it can become complicated to deal with since they carry the narcissist’s best interest. Which unfortunately is in our worst interest. This is the perfect method for the narcissist to maintain his control without taking any accountability for the situation. So here’s how you break them depending on your ability and confidence.
Stage 1. Still lingers in your mind : Stay Alert.
That’s okay if you’re just in the brink of breaking up with a narcissist, deserting them away recently, or even still figuring out what to do next after a clash of arguments with them. Now you have to deal with their flying monkeys. The only way is not to give too much information when they try to scrape it from you. Stay out and clear from participating in the game. By being alert–you won’t get carried away in giving them too many details of your life.
Once a flying monkey fails their task, they will not be sent again. Don’t give them the pleasure to know in which emotional state are you now. The temptation to tell the dilemmas you’re in is just going to get the words out for them to bake more rumors content.
Stage 2. Succeed in remaining contactless for months: Don’t respond at all.
What happened and revolved around them is no longer related to you. So, why bother to respond when you already catch the signs as elaborated above? Answer as shortly and quietly as possible. Make them the lowest priority in your life. But wait, shouldn’t we have at least the decency to forgive, especially when we are on our way of moving on? The answer is: No, Honey. Life isn’t charity for all and so does your dignity. This isn’t cruelty knowing what their true intentions are. They didn’t choose you in the first place. It is best if we save kindness only to the ones who deserved it. We can still wish these monkeys a better life and self-esteem in our prayers– if you want.
A writer and entrepreneur with profound interest in humankind research and insights. An avid coffee drinker and book hoarder. Hours and days spent in Jakarta.