Understanding Attraction and Choices in Relationships

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In the complexity of human relations, the journey of attraction and choices often leads us through unexpected twists and turns. A friend’s dilemma over a budding workplace attraction has sparked a conversation about this topic. This post sheds light into the attraction and choices in relationships and the complexities surrounding it.

The Spark that Ignites

Encountering someone who ignites a spark within us can bring excitement and confusion. My friend’s story is a good example of the unpredictable nature of attraction and choices, where workplace flirtations unexpectedly confront the realities of existing commitments.

A friend of mine found himself ensnared by feelings for a new colleague, his supervisor, no less. Their workplace is not the stiff backdrop of corporate life but a more casual environment. At 31, my friend faced his crush with a mix of hope and hesitation, drawn to her, a 26 year old beacon of charm.

Their conversation quickly went beyond professional boundaries, marked by playful exchanges and thoughtful gestures. The girl gave him snacks accompanied by small notes, even wrote his name with a heart at the end. At this point, my friend was pretty sure that the girl is onto him. Encouraged by these signs, he was ready to ask her out. But then, the shocking truth came out. She already has a boyfriend and they have been together for 2 years. The news struck a chord, rendering him adrift in a sea of confusion and disappointment.

Yet, the plot thickened when she proposed a coffee meet-up, a casual encounter, but full of potential for deeper connection. Amidst the hum of the coffee shop, she entrusted him with her secrets, a gesture of vulnerability that only deepened my friend’s quandary. The flirting continues after that meet-up, culminating in a second coffee date. Now, all these signals from her left my friend at a crossroad, he asked for advice what to do and what is this girl thinking?

Reflecting on Emotional Fulfilment

This tale highlights the aspect of attraction and choices. Recognising unmet needs or desires in our attractions can prompt valuable self-reflection, urging us to reconsider what we seek from our intimate connections.

For additional insights on navigating these emotional landscapes, explore Expressing Feelings, a dive into the importance of communication and vulnerability in attraction and choices.

Back to my friend’s question, it is clear that the girl gestures hinted at more than just friendship. She confided in him, drawing similarities between him and her boyfriend – an introvert like him – which could amplify my friend’s confusion. This unique attention from her could very well be a sign of a rift in her own relationship. A yearning for something different or perhaps something more aligned with her heart’s true desires.

However, recognising this potential affection comes with its own set of moral quandaries. It’s one thing to feel drawn to someone; it’s another to act on it. I found myself cautioning my friend against pursuing this delicate connection further. After knowing her commitment to someone else, the path was clear: maintain professional boundaries and resist the pull of personal relationship. After all, the intricacies of her relationship are for her to solve, not for an outsider to mend.

The heart’s journey is complex, laden with the weight of choices and the quest for fulfilment. In this case, stepping back, honouring those unspoken boundaries, and preserving one’s sense of self-respect becomes paramount. 

Navigating Attraction and Choices in Relationships

At times, our minds wander to the possibility of another being our companion, entertaining flirtations under the guise of innocent amusement. Yet, this diversion often signals a deeper problem within our current relationship. This symptom doesn’t necessarily say our partner as flawed or toxic, rather, it may simply mean that he/she is not the right person for you.

Acknowledging these early signs is crucial. They serve as a symptom, urging us to reflect on our dissatisfaction. Is it the thrill of new person that we seek, or is there a more profound disconnection? 

If your’re feeling unfulfilled in your relationship and find yourself drawn to others, it’s essential to take a step back and evaluate your feelings honestly. Here are some tips to help navigate these complex emotions:

  • Reflect on your needs: Identify what you feel is lacking in your current relationship. Is it emotional support, shared interests, or something else? Understanding your needs can clarify what steps to take next.
  • Communicate with your partner: Open, honest communication is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship. Discuss your feelings and concerns with your partner without placing blame. This can lead to deeper understanding and connection.
  • Seek personal growth: Sometimes, our dissatisfaction stems from within. Focusing on personal development and pursuing your interests can enrich your life and, by extension, your relationship.
  • Consider professional guidance: If the issues seem insurmountable, seeking counsel from a relationship therapist can provide valuable insights and strategies for improvement.
  • Make conscious decision: Ultimately, decide whether to work on improving your current relationship or if it’s healthier to move on. This decision should come from a place of self-awareness and consideration for all involved.

Remember, flirting while in a committed relationship can be a sign that you’re searching for something missing. It’s crucial to address these feelings head-on rather than seeking temporary distractions. By doing so, you honour yourself, your partner, and the integrity of your relationship.


Relationships are complex and attraction can be challenging. Attraction and choices shape the journey of every relationship, presenting opportunities for reflection. My friend’s decision to honour boundaries and prioritise personal development reflects the importance of approaching attraction and choices with mindfulness and respect.

If you’re seeking to deepen your understanding of attraction and choices, The Art of Loving offers insights that change the way we think about love. Find it here.

If you or someone you know is experiencing a similar dilemma, remember that self-reflection, open communication, and personal growth are key to finding clarity and making the bet choices for your happiness. If you have questions about romantic interests, feel free to share your thoughts and questions in the comments section below. Our community is here to support and guide each other through the tough times.

Author: Mia

A writer and researcher who also a tech-addict and internet-junkie. Loves quirky stuff.

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