Energy Vampire

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What do we know about Energy Vampire?  It seems to be appearing more frequently after its launch as one of the unofficial post-pandemic jargons. The thought of someone sucking your invisible energy sounded a little mystical and fictitious. Let me explain.

Energy Vampire in Your Circles

Is there any Energy Vampire in one of your circles? The definition of Energy Vampire is meant to describe where a person you’ve met drained an enormous amount of your emotional energy to fulfil his or hers. This can happened simply by engaging in a conversation with them, in workplace, family or social circles. 

Imminently, their existence strike pretty hard on their prey, which usually are “the listeners” in their circles. They hunt naturally on less talkative or less dominant personality with warm acceptance and provide them an attention buffet to feast on. Once these people sense an outstanding cooperative target, they will not hesitated to make an approach. 

Why do some of us find them?

People find energy vampire to be sympathetic at first, and you’re withdrawn by their charm, or friendliness. They were not someone with a distinguished persona or anything, that’s why they have to make an effort of pursuing. And by effort, it means constantly maintaining their connection to you. With seemingly good intentions, they will make sure at a certain time, your availability is there when they needed you. 

Energy vampire has the need to express their personal views and profess their difficult identity to someone they feel would understood them. And some people–maybe you, are just too generous by giving them that shelter. 

None of us would have known in the first place until we entangled ourselves into the situation. Most of them are usually embarked in small groups rather than the large ones.

Extroversion vs Energy Vampire

Though the features are obviously on the air, not all extroverts are an energy vampire. There is a variety on extroverts. Many extroverts still values other people opinions or mind frames. Energy vampire is just one of the extrovert types. Once you deal personally with an energy vampire you’ll know exactly who they are. Not all extroverts enjoy targetting just one or two people’s energy in particular. 

Extroverts audience are much more scrambled and higher in quantity. So the attention span wont be invested entirely in just a couple of people. Do introverts gets to be an energy vampire too? Absolutely. They have the chance to be it, but just not as wider as the extroverts. Other type of mental disorder can also drained your emotional being such as histrionic disorder.

They always have a contender version of whatever story you’re sharing.

Why is it so exhausting after I got home ?!”

-said someone who just dealt with energy vampire

Because they build up this turbulence and trials in each topic,making sure to everyone that only he gets to have the final answer. It could be by raising their voice, or a sturdy gesture of interrupting. What you have in mind does not really matter to them. Even though you have think it through so hard, an energy waste that you shouldn’t have bother with in the first place.

Sometimes they always seem to have their own version of every story,and it goes uninterrupted for a very long time. They pull every strings to stated that “this is me” in a manner more than you can handle for. 

It gets even worse if you actually search for something more meaningful in the conversation, but finding out that you were pulled to a direction you’re not interested in. 

Constant hard questions and rebuff

Life is hard enough for you to be questioned all the time about what you stand for. We just want to have a light convo and share whatever it is comfortable without having to be dragged to their opinions all the time.  Agree to disagree circumstances are more wonderful to be respected. 

Energy vampire also love to rebuff your statements on things to get full appreciation of his or her own point of view. They exert their long and winding reasoning for you to bear with and in the end, no energy left for you to debate them. 

How to handle them

  1. Choose silence.

If you notice, a few people failed to become their prey. These people carefully choose silence over constant responding. And by silence it also includes limiting attention and eye contact. Refrained yourself from serving those major baits. 

The higher rate of responding fueled higher excitement for energy vampire. They absorb it as a form of consent to the bottomless oversharing that’s not for everyone to hear. They would then answer with a more provocative take on the issue so that the cycle of wide-eye attention and further unnecessary babbling keeps rolling. If you choose just “okay.” or a nod but not at their direction, it would hush them a bit. 

2. Brave for boundaries.

It’s not about being awkward or anything, but energy vampires can get extra in pushy for a meet-up. At this inevitable phase, we have the right to create a safe space for our own well-being. Yes, you be very firm at them, or show a displeasing gesture once and a while. You can even change your position or seating to not frontally face them. 

Be strict about social media boundaries too. When and wether you should reply or not reply to them.

3. It’s okay to avoid them.

Energy vampire can leave people to be so uncomfortable with themselves, sometimes even triggers psychosomatic. You get headaches, panic or just out of breath near them.  Be assertive and clear that you do not have these meetings with them as any of your priority. 

Author: Fraya

A writer and entrepreneur with profound interest in humankind research and insights. An avid coffee drinker and book hoarder. Hours and days spent in Jakarta.

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