Here I am with my first blog, ever. The only reason I started this blog is to cope with my third life crisis while hoping to share and eventually help someone out there with my writing. Once I read in an article that you should have a personal manifesto somewhere in your 30s, and this is mine.
You may have heard about third-life crisis if not, a quick Google search will give you all the signs and symptoms. While I admit, reading about it will make you feel slightly better, I will also try to tell my story in the process of embracing myself.
The big question with third life crisis is what am I DOING my whole life?
The first sign I felt is self-doubt. As a researcher, I need to submit my research article to scientific journals or conferences. However, in the process, one by one of said journals downright rejected me. I know that rejection is common, and I have dealt with failures and rejections before. However, having rejected continuously – 3 journals and 1 conferences so far – made me doubt myself. I reviewed and revised all my work, but somehow I loss confident to submit them to another journal.
The self-doubt also takes me to another question, what I want to be in the future? I always have a vague image of what I want to do in life, but it goes blurrier each day. Just like a ship without a compass, my friend told me. The ship goes on sailing along daily routines.
Don’t get me wrong, I love some of these routines. I like my job, I love to write and to interact with people. I also have a dream of getting another degree overseas. It hit me hard when the company I work for was giving a signal that it will be harder for me to pursue a degree. If you are not happy in your job then quit, they said. But should you quit if your workplace is already among the top company in your country?
To regain my compass, I have talked and shared with my BFFs, and I came to a conclusion that we are more or less in the same crisis. They gave me advice to learn another skill, to upgrade myself while trying new things. Taken their advice made me stumble into the current trend of a digital nomad. I have landed myself several freelance writing jobs. It was exciting at first, but eventually, I still feel that something is missing.
Unlike my quarter-life crisis, the third life crisis is subtle. It will stay in the back of your mind and keeps you questioning about your choice. As this was going on for some time, I try to acknowledge and write about it. Hopefully, it will be as Anne Frank said:
“I can shake off everything as I write; my sorrows disappear, my courage is reborn.”
A writer | researcher | lecturer who also a tech-addict and internet-junkie