If even misery loves company, what does it say about our other feelings? What sort of companion can wipe away the tears of our loneliness? This article examines the remedy to loneliness, with the hope of curing it from time to time.
Hawkley and Cacioppo defined loneliness as : a distressing feeling that accompanies the perception that one’s social needs are not being met by the quantity or especially the quality of one’s social relationships (Cacioppo JT, Hawkley LC,2009)
Based on the definition that describes definite details of how loneliness feels, we can conclude that being lonely is not equivalent to being alone. This is because Hawkley and Cacioppo specifically mentioned relationships.
The chemistry of loneliness
We can feel it when it’s coming, a hollow, empty, soundless cave of emotion in our chest. A sadness craving to hear and to be heard. In mental science or as we say now, psychology, certain chemicals in our body orchestrated loneliness.
Dopamine is mostly the actor beyond the trigger of this feeling. Research shown by Matthews and collaborators, that dopaminergic neurons in a brain region called the dorsal raphe nucleus were activated in response to acute social isolation and triggered the motivation to look for social interaction and re-engage in it.(Matthews GA et al., Cell, 2016.)
Their arrival can be subtle and depressing. Occasionally agonizing. It can also abruptly appear in the middle of a crowded event, which is an irony most of us have experienced it before. Loneliness in a room full of people. It creeps in between your anxious thoughts, or just blending with recent disappointments you have had with someone. Sometimes nothing traces back to where it all started, these dopamines just strolling around our peace and quiet chamber of emotions. Belittling as can be, the antidotes might just be around the corner. But first, here’s how it all started.
Paying the price of digital addiction
There is something translucent about how we perceive our real life today in the digital world. We are raptured in the imagination of visuals and words of social media. Created a society filled with soon-to-be-expired dopamine shots from the tip of our fingers. Free of charge in the beginning, until we pay the consequences hard from the extreme highs and lows induced by short interval period dopamine. On our way down from the high, we frantically crave any kind of substance to refill the empty glass caused by the low level of dopamine itself.
Boredom feels different since the internet is wrapped tightly around our thoughts. It has made an ally with loneliness. The more you are attached to your screen, sucking dopamines out of control, the farther you get from reaching the cure to your loneliness.
Finding the antidote, not an anecdote
In desperate measures, sex is often considered a shortcut to relief, but never an actual antidote. A tempting fast lane to feel good maybe. Substituting temporary heavenly chemicals in our bodies. But sex, particularly when it’s done promiscuously, will bring more consequences that would escort us to another irresponsible matter. The after-effect can soon leave a devastating feeling. Nothing is permanent, but this spontaneous act can become a destructive coping mechanism.
Loneliness is not an illness we are willing to admit. It is portrayed as a pathetic disease that has found its way of incubating humans and creating depression these days.
Talking to random people you used to take for granted isn’t the perfect idea to be executed either. It would seem good in the beginning, but would soon turn to an anecdotal scene once your loneliness heals. People divulge unnecessary, confidential things when they’re lonely. Things they shouldn’t be talking about in the first place unless to the right person. This is tricky and remains a slippery road every now and then.
Find your people, but be yourself. Make an effort to engage in a fulfilling conversation, but remember what you are and what you are not. Where both sides felt heard, covered, and validated unconditionally.
A visit to new frontiers
To find your tribe, be open to exploring new communities. Travel to new places, it doesn’t have to be a long distance. Gather around individuals who share the same passion and intentions. The more you don’t predict, estimate, or forcibly pursue your goals with anyone, the more surprises are headed in your direction. But, stay true to yourself.
The less you think or imagine how your journey is going to be, the greater the memories you are going to make. Remember, expectation hinders your experience.
As Wiliam Faulkner would say: “You cannot swim for new horizons until you have the courage to lose sight of the shore.”
Cacioppo JT, Hawkley LC. Perceived social isolation and cognition. Trends in Cognitive Sciences. 2009;13:447–454.
Dorsal Raphe Dopamine Neurons Represent the Experience of Social Isolation. Matthews GA et al., Cell, 2016.
Author: Fraya
A writer and entrepreneur with profound interest in humankind research and insights. An avid coffee drinker and book hoarder. Hours and days spent in Jakarta.The Haptic Room is supported by our readers. Our site may contain links to affiliate websites, and if you make a purchase through these links, we receive a commission to support our site.