Welcome to my first blog post. The only reason I started this blog is to cope with my third life crisis while hoping to share and eventually help someone out there with my writing. Once I read in an article that you should have a personal manifesto somewhere in your 30s, and this is mine.
You see, I’ve found myself at a crossroads, grappling with questions that seem to have no easy answers. And so, I’ve turned to writing as a means of coping and, perhaps, offering a glimmer of insight to others who may find themselves in a similar boat.
The notion of a third-life crisis might not be as widely discussed as its counterparts, the mid-life and quarter-life crises, but its impact can be just as profound. It’s that gnawing sense of uncertainty that creeps up on you, whispering doubts about the path you’ve chosen and the person you’ve become. While I admit, reading about it will make you feel slightly better, I will also try to tell my story in the process of embracing myself.
The big question with third life crisis is what am I DOING my whole life?
For me, it began with a series of rejections – rejection letters from academic journals and conferences that left me questioning my worth as a researcher. As a researcher, I need to submit my research article to scientific journals or conferences. I know that rejection is common, and I have dealt with failures and rejections before. However, having rejected continuously – 3 journals and 1 conferences so far – made me doubt myself. I reviewed and revised all my work, but somehow I loss confident to submit them to another journal.
But the self-doubt didn’t stop there. It seeped into every corner of my life, casting doubt on my future ambitions and leaving me adrift without a compass.
The self-doubt also takes me to another question, what I want to be in the future? I always have a vague image of what I want to do in life, but it goes blurrier each day. Just like a ship without a compass, my friend told me. The ship goes on sailing along daily routines.
Don’t get me wrong, I love some of these routines. I like my job, I love to write and to interact with people. I also have a dream of getting another degree overseas. It hit me hard when the company I work for was giving a signal that it will be harder for me to pursue a degree. If you are not happy in your job then quit, they said. But should you quit if your workplace is already among the top company in your country?
And then there were the conflicting messages – the advice from well-meaning friends and colleagues urging me to pursue my passions, contrasted with the realities of my professional life. Should I stay in a job that provided stability and security, even if it meant sacrificing my dreams of further education? Or should I take a leap of faith and pursue a different path, despite the uncertainties that lay ahead?
To regain my compass, I have talked and shared with my BFFs, and I came to a conclusion that we are more or less in the same crisis. They gave me advice to learn another skill, to upgrade myself while trying new things. Taken their advice made me stumble into the current trend of a digital nomad – a lifestyle that offered freedom and flexibility, albeit with its own set of challenges. I have landed myself several freelance writing jobs.
It was exciting at first, it has a sense of freedom and autonomy that I had never experienced before. But as the initial excitement wore off, I found myself grappling with a sense of emptiness – a nagging feeling that something was still missing, despite my newfound freedom.
And so, I find myself here, at the intersection of uncertainty and possibility, grappling with the complexities of the third-life crisis. Unlike my quarter-life crisis, the third life crisis is subtle. It will stay in the back of your mind and keeps you questioning about your choice. As this was going on for some time, I try to acknowledge and write about it. Hopefully, it will be as Anne Frank said:
“I can shake off everything as I write; my sorrows disappear, my courage is reborn.”
In sharing my journey with you, dear reader, I hope to find clarity amidst the chaos and forge a path forward with renewed purpose and determination. After all, the road less traveled may be fraught with challenges, but it also holds the promise of adventure and discovery. And who knows? Perhaps we’ll find our way together, one blog post at a time.
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